Level Up with Duayne Pearce

How Changing The Stories I Told Myself Has Changed My Life.

Duayne Pearce Season 1 Episode 94

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Ever thought the stories you tell yourself aren't serving you? I've been there, battling these demons for the past 27 years in the construction industry. This podcast I'm going solo to bust some myths and share some strategies to overcome them.

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Speaker 1:

whatever stories you tell yourself, whatever you're constantly repeating, that's what happens. G'day guys, welcome back to Australia's number one construction podcast. We are back in the shed this afternoon for another cracking episode of A Level Up. So today is something a little bit different. I'm here on my own.

Speaker 1:

I want to talk to you about a few lies that I've told myself over the years. I think we hold ourselves back, we cause ourselves a lot of anxiety and depression and those types of things by not being our true selves, and it all comes back to the stories we tell ourselves in our head and a lot of the time you repeat those stories and they're all lies. So today I'm here to talk to you about the lies that I've told myself definitely a lot in my early days, starting my career and getting into business, and then some of the lies that I still fight with, or some of these lies that I'm going to go through with you today I still battle with on a daily basis. So, yeah, we'll get stuck into them. There's a few of them to get through. I actually made a few notes about this one because I think there's a lot of stories and lies that I know I tell myself regularly, but I've tried to nail this down to the top tens, the ones that I don't know. They could even be like. I call them my demons. I have to fight them all the time. So number one is I don't have enough time and, to be honest, this is the number one lie that I hear from everybody that reaches out to me now. So with my training, business, live Life, build and our software quotas and look even just builders and tradies in general reaching out for advice we all feel like we don't have enough time, and reality is you've all got miles of time. It's just you're not prioritizing your time correctly and that all comes down to personal scheduling and all those types of things. But I constantly used to tell myself that I was busy. Everyone around me would constantly be telling me that you're always busy, you don't have enough time, and it's something that if you keep repeating to yourself, you don't you, you feel like you don't have enough time and you end up. If you're not scheduling your time and taking the time, if you're not scheduling your time and taking the time to and I'm not just talking about work and jobs and those types of things, I'm talking about personally scheduling your time you will do exactly what I used to do back in the day, and that is constantly tell myself I don't have enough time turning up to site, talking to trades, talking to clients, whatever the case may be. So many people reach out to me now and ask me how do I do so much? They see all the stuff I do on Instagram and in my stories and stuff and what I talk about, and it all comes down to changing the stories that I tell myself in my head.

Speaker 1:

Having a personal schedule. My days are scheduled from 5 am in the morning to 9 pm at night. Schedule my days are scheduled from 5 am in the morning to 9 pm at night. My the phone calls I need to make, the meetings I need to have the, the proposals I need to work on, the like everything it's all in there, it's all like there's no. I call it white space. So, um, there's no time for me to get lost and waste uh, scrolling on social media looking at shit that I don't need, making phone calls that I don't need to make, talking to people that I don't need to talk to. And when you do that, it is unbelievable how much you can get done. And the other most exciting part is when you are so well scheduled and you stop telling yourself that you don't have enough time, you actually end up having an unbelievable amount of time. So not only do you get way way more done, you actually end up with a lot more time to be able to spend with family, friends, camping, fishing, going away on weekends, whatever the case may be.

Speaker 1:

So number one lie is telling yourself that you don't have enough time. Take seriously, take that sentence out of your vocabulary. The next lie that I told myself for a very long time was that I don't deserve it. I used to get stuck in this mindset like things would be going really, really well, and then, all of a sudden, you might have a tough meeting, or you might have a tough day, or you might have a few days in a row or a week or whatever, where things don't quite go your way, and I'd drop back into the old habit of telling myself that I don't deserve to be running a business, I don't deserve to be earning what I earn, I don't deserve to be growing and all these things. And again, when you're constantly telling yourself that you don't deserve things or you don't deserve to have such and such or whatever the case may be, it doesn't happen because whatever stories you tell yourself, whatever you're constantly repeating, that's what happens.

Speaker 1:

And just like all you, a lot of you people that probably listen to this podcast like I, used to think this was all woo, woo shit. So I fucking oath, I'm good enough to be doing this like I've. I've been in the industry 27 years. I've got a shitload of experience I've been through. I've dealt with more shit than most people will deal with in their entire lives. I've lost I couldn't even tell you off the top of my head it'd be well over a million dollars by making stupid decisions, not knowing how to run my business, not understanding my numbers, not not working with clients properly. So I believe I've got incredible amounts of experience, knowledge and and real life like in the trenches that I can share with all of you, and that's to be honest. That's why this podcast is Australia's number one construction podcast, because I'm putting myself out there and telling it how it is from real life experience.

Speaker 1:

So I think it's something that a lot of people deal with on a daily basis is telling ourselves that we're not good enough, and, yeah, I don't let that one get to me too much. Like I said, it is still one that floats around I do battle with. But I definitely know back in my earlier days of even just being an apprentice, like during my apprenticeship I battled on a daily basis because I was always telling myself I'm not good enough to be doing this like and a lot of that come off the back of the people I worked with and like I know like it come across as a bit of banter, but just like if you're a young guy on site or like a young guy or girl doing an apprenticeship and you've constantly got people on site having a dig at you or yelling at you or all those types of things, you it does make you question whether you're good enough. And for anyone that's in that situation now, like, just ignore it because, like, look at it, look at how far I've come, look at how successful I've been and I was.

Speaker 1:

I was told that back in the day and I definitely thought I wasn't good enough, but I pushed through and I kept going and I kept going. So, yeah, seriously, don't tell yourself you're not good enough, because every single person in this world is good enough. So believe in yourself and push yourself and I guess the big thing is and what's got me to where I am today is even though telling myself I'm not good enough is something that I still battle with you've got to believe in yourself and you've got to run your own race. Forget about what people are saying, forget about what other people are doing and just focus on yourself. The biggest thing is to always, always, put in the extra 1%. I definitely believe that that is the number one thing that has got me to where I am today. Like I'm constantly pushing myself to impress people. Show up, turn up, do what I say, follow through on what I say to people and yeah, I believe I'm good enough. Yeah, I believe I'm good enough. So, if you're like me and you're telling yourself you're not good enough, again throw that lie out the window and out of your vocabulary.

Speaker 1:

The next one is I think this is something that a lot of people deal with. The next lie is that I'll be happy when I get there or I'll be happy when I get, and seriously, I think this one ruins people's lives and social media has made this one so much, so much more common. Like I used to always be trying to impress people, I think prove a point. And so I was always telling myself like I'll be happy when my business gets, or I'll be happy when I earn so much, or I'll be happy when I get that new car, or I'll be happy when I get that new whatever the case may be like motorbike, boat, fishing rod, like just all the shit, those new tools. Or I'll be happy when I get earn a certain amount of tools, or I'll be happy when I get earn a certain amount of money, or I'll be happy when I buy that house, or then it becomes I'll be happy when I get five houses and I'll be happy when I get 10 hours.

Speaker 1:

Like, if you're not happy with where you are now, what makes you think you're going to be happier when you get what you think you want? Because reality is, it's human nature to always want more. And so if your thing is that you'll be happy when you get the new car, yeah, you might be happy for a few days or a few weeks or possibly a couple of months, but then you're gonna want to go to the next level and you're gonna want a different car or a better car again. So I think you've got to change your mindset on the way that you look at things, and a huge, huge turning point in my life was being comfortable with where I was at Getting off the internet, getting off social media. Well, back then there wasn't a lot of social media, but just getting to a point in my life where I didn't have to have more. I was content with the size of my business, the amount of money I was making, the, the tools I had, the tool trailer I had, the truck I had, like, and it was unbelievable, like I actually like within a 12-month period.

Speaker 1:

It was incredible how, once I stopped focusing and thinking that, when I got to the next level of whatever it was, things just started to fall into place, and I feel like it's because I wasn't so focused on it. It allowed me, it freed up my mind, my space, to focus on the business and focus on myself and just live life every single day and to the fullest. And when I started doing that, the business started running better, my life started being better, I started spending more time with family and friends and just dropped the focus on trying to get to a level or achieve things and and like, at the end of the day, like fuck me, they're just possessions, like I don't want to be. One thing that I've realized is I don't want to be the richest man in the graveyard. I don't want to be. I don't want to pass on a shed full of cars and and heaps of property to my, my kids and my family. I want to pass on memories and and experiences and those types of things. So, yeah, I, if, if you, if you're like I was, and you're constantly telling yourself that you'll be happy when you get, um, I definitely think that is a lie that we all tell ourselves.

Speaker 1:

And it can really. It's a powerful one. Like it can really take over your life to a point where you're spending every spare minute sitting on the internet or sitting on social media looking at things and looking at possessions that other people have, and you've got to ask yourself, like, is that really what I want? And I know, with like these days, with social media, like, fucking, everybody is a coach, everybody's a mentor, everybody's got something to say, and my frustration with that is a lot of the people that are putting themselves out there haven't got the runs on the board, they haven't got enough experience, they've had a couple of wins and all of a sudden like yet they might have earned enough to buy a nice car, they might earn enough to buy a nice house, and then they're promoting that, and yet they haven't been in business for 10, 15, 20 years. They haven't got in business for 10, 15, 20 years. They haven't got all the runs on the board. So don't make your life about things that other people have and don't think. Stop telling yourself that you'll be happy when you get to where they've got, and just be content with where you are now and forget about everything else. And, believe me, you'll be surprised how everything really starts to fall into place because you're not focusing on the things that you don't need to focus on.

Speaker 1:

Um, all right, so the next one, the next one's a bit of a funny one. So and and there's two sides of this so the next lie is that everything is great and the way this one works is it's about not like, not being, not feeling like. You're in a safe enough surroundings to be vulnerable, and it's something that I'm. I'm quite open now. I don't. I just tell people how it is, whereas back in the day, everything was great. Oh, anyone asked me how my day was going, whether it was catching up with tradies or employees on site, or whether it was meeting clients or um, whether it was catching up with family and friends on the weekend. Whatever the scenario it was always like whenever anybody asked, hey, how you going? Smile, yeah, everything's great. Like, everything's fantastic. And I've learned that like that's just a lie. And if you tell yourself everything is great all the time, it gives you a false sense of security.

Speaker 1:

And I like to dig deep on this one. You've got to be brutally honest with yourself, and it's not just about people asking you how you are. Are you truly happy with your fitness? Like, be honest with yourself. Is it great? And that's something this year I've taken really seriously, because it's not. Like, my fitness is not great. I want to be fitter. I want to get back to when I was on the tools. I want to have muscle. I want to be able to run around my kids and, like, go for a jog, take my dog, like, like, and not feel like shit. So, yeah, that wasn't great.

Speaker 1:

Ask yourself, like, is the relationship with your kids great? Like, be brutally honest with yourself. Are you spending enough time with your kids? Is your relationship with your partner, your wife, your husband, great? Again, you got to be brutally honest with you and these are things that this year I've really taken seriously and like my relationship with my kids is good, but it's not great. It can definitely be better.

Speaker 1:

Like I need to step up more. I need to put in more effort. I need to take my girls on individual date nights and spend time with them and have some fun. And in my relationship with my wife, like it's good, but I know it's not great. It can be a hell of a lot better. And again, I need I need to put in the effort, I need to organize more date nights. I need to surprise her more. I need to show up more. I need to spend more time. I need to just put in more effort. I need to cook more, I need to help out around the house more like all those things.

Speaker 1:

So I think if you're telling yourself everything is great in your life, then you are absolutely kidding yourself and you need to be brutally honest. And I know it can be a hard thing to do, but when you do it again, it's incredibly rewarding. What comes of it? When you do start realizing that most things in your life aren't great and you do need to step up, show up and put in a bit more effort. The next thing is you have enough money. This was a lie that I told myself for a while and I'd get my business to a certain point and I'd be earning enough money to buy a few things that I wanted to buy or buy a house or investment, whatever it wanted to be and I'd get comfortable. And then things would turn to shit again and then I'd work my ass off and I'd build it back up and I'd earn a bit more and the same thing. I'd get to a point and I'd say, oh look, it's fine, it's enough, and then get comfortable, and then everything would turn to shit again. So I think you've got to like for me.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I'm at a point in my life where for me, it's not about the money. I want to earn as much money as I possibly can, not to have the money, but so that I can help as many people as possible. That's not about me. The other thing I want is I don't want to have to say no. I want to be able to go on holidays with friends and family and my kids, and if we want to do something like something comes up while we're on holiday or the kids want to have an experience like. Whatever it is. I don't want to feel guilty that I can't say yes. So I want to work my ass off and have enough money that I can do whatever I want to do. I can have whatever I want to have. But it's also about helping people Like I want to be able to buy my parents and my wife's mom a house so they can retire and live their lives without having the stress of bills and and worrying about where they're going to live.

Speaker 1:

I I have family members that I could not think of anything better than buying them a house and and helping them their life. I have family members that work their ass off and deserve to be in a better position than what they are, but we all have choices to make and not everyone's willing to put in the time, the effort it takes to and do the personal development, so they just struggle through life. So I want to earn enough money so that I can help people out, get to a better position in life and then they can, they can spend the money they earn on doing things they want to do. But charity is a big one for me. I would really, really, really want to. I want to be able to help disabled people. I want to be able to invest millions of dollars in helping disabled families and, like I'm a builder, I honestly couldn't think of anything better than being able to, once a month or whatever, do a shout-out to families with a disabled child and, like, free of charge, go and build an access ramp or modify their house so that it makes their life easier. Like that sort of shit brings tears to my eyes, like it's something that I'm very passionate about.

Speaker 1:

So like ask yourself the question, like, do you have enough money? Don't lie to yourself, like, don't get in a comfort zone and don't make it all about yourself, but like what would happen? Like think about it. Like what would happen if someone you, your wife, your kids, what would happen if someone you, your wife, your kids, what? What would happen if suddenly, all of a sudden, they're in a, they've got a major illness and they need expensive medical treatment? Like how are you going to feel if you can't afford that or it's not covered by insurance or one of those types of things? Like I know I don't want to get in a position where I have to feel guilty because I can't provide my wife or myself or my kids the best possible medical treatment if something was to come up.

Speaker 1:

So ask yourself, like, do you really have enough money?

Speaker 1:

And then, what are you going to do about it? Is doing what you're doing now going to get you where you want to be? All right, the last one. We'll wrap it up now because I'm dragging on a little bit, but the last one, I think, is a really important one because it definitely sucked me in for a long time and these days, with social media, I think it's really bad. It's, I believe it's the cause of a lot of depression and a lot of anxiety. And the lie is that why do I have to go through all this? And I know now, with my training business, even with our software Quotes, so many people that it's like they're looking for, like this magical answer, this magical booklet or this magical document that's just going to solve all their problems and give them the ultimate business.

Speaker 1:

And it's easy to get that perception when on social media, everyone only puts out the good stuff, and especially when it comes to trades and builders, it's very easy to get hooked on social media and see all these trades and builders doing great work and and builders building all these multi-million dollar homes and driving around in big trucks and big tool trailers and like having all the gear. I can honestly sit here and tell you from everything that I'm doing in the industry now. Even the ones on social media that have tens of thousands of followers are building multi, multi-million dollar homes, have big teams appear as if they're making a shitload of money, are having the same struggles and the same issues as you're having, and reality is that every single person has to do the hard yards. There is no easy way to the top. There is no easy way to success. No easy way to the top. There is no easy way to success.

Speaker 1:

You've got to put in the effort, and something that I like to refer or compare it to now is like when you want to get fit, you want to build muscle, you want to go to gym, like to build muscle, you've got to put in the effort, you've got to do the reps and it's got to hurt, and then you have a few days off gym and your muscles recover a little bit and that creates growth and then you go again and you push harder again and like every whatever it is every couple of times you, you do, you do more reps. Or once you, once you can do more reps, you add more weight and then you'll get to a point where you, you do less reps and you might double the weight, like there's there's a process to getting fit, there's a process to building muscle, and it's the same when it comes to building a business. You, no one gets to the top overnight, no one gets to the top easily. And so stop telling yourself this lie that when you're scrolling through, like when you're wasting your time. That goes back to our first lie about you don't have enough time. I guarantee you, if most of you got off social media for 30 minutes a day and put that same 30 minutes into self-development and your business, you'd be fucking blown away by how quickly things will improve and how successful you can become very quickly.

Speaker 1:

But stop looking at other people's shit. Stop looking at it and thinking like, why am I struggling? Why aren't they struggling? Because reality is they're all fucking struggling. They all have to go through shit, they're all they. They all don't know their numbers, they're all not like, it's not all rosy, it's not what you see on social media. So that is a huge one because I it got me for a very long time, um, and I know it gets a lot of other people and it is one that really affects people's mental health depression, anxiety and all those types of things. So just be proud of where you're at now, stop worrying about everybody else and just run your own race and do your own thing.

Speaker 1:

So look, guys, I hope this has been a good podcast. We're trialling a few single ones now just to get some opinions out there and give you a bit of an insight into my life and how I think and the things that I've gone through. So, look, as always, like comment, share, give us some feedback, let us know what you want to hear, let us know what you want to know about me. And, yeah, we'll make sure we get on here and present another cracking podcast. So, yeah, thanks very much for listening and let's keep this podcast, australia's number one construction podcast.

Speaker 1:

See you on the next one. Are you ready to build smarter, live better and enjoy life? Then head over to livelikebuildcom. Forward, slash, elevate to get started. Everything discussed during the level up podcast with me, duane pierce, is based solely on my own personal experiences and those experiences of my guests. The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast are for general information only, and any reliance on the information provided in this podcast is done at your own risk. We recommend that you obtain your own professional advice in respect to the topics discussed during this podcast.